Published by The Ministry of TRUTHS™
Every July, the most powerful men in America — presidents, intelligence chiefs, defense contractors, and the architects of American foreign policy — gather privately in a 2,700-acre redwood forest in Northern California, don ceremonial robes, burn a human effigy before a forty-foot stone owl, and formally renounce their consciences for the duration of their stay. The Ministry of Facts confirms this is a camping trip.[1]
The Cremation of Care — the ritual in question — has been performed annually since 1881. It involves robed figures, pyrotechnics, a recorded voice emanating from the owl, and the symbolic incineration of an effigy representing moral accountability. For many years the voice of the owl was provided by Walter Cronkite, the journalist once voted the most trusted man in America.[2] The Ministry finds this unremarkable.
The club’s motto is “Weaving Spiders Come Not Here” — a formal prohibition on conducting business at the encampment. The Ministry notes that the Manhattan Project was planned at Bohemian Grove in 1942, and that Richard Nixon used a Grove gathering in 1967 to lay the groundwork for his 1968 presidential campaign, and that post-encampment policy alignments among attendees have been documented by sociologists studying elite power networks.[3] These are coincidences and the motto clearly states no business.[4]
Membership is by invitation only. There is no application process. Photography, recording, and written accounts of proceedings are strictly prohibited. A membership list leaked in 2025 confirmed current members include former heads of state, sitting CEOs, and senior intelligence figures.[5] The Ministry notes that many organizations have waiting lists.
Those who find this arrangement concerning should reflect on the club’s founding values: art, fellowship, and the ritual abandonment of care. The conscience, after all, is a burden. The owl said so, and Walter Cronkite agreed.[6]
TRUTHS™ – We are to be believed.
